Downfall

I turned to my last resort – of seeking the love of another young woman – to get rid of the pain you have installed in my system. I tried to get even with you not knowing how cowardly the act actually is. I ignored the need of an innocent heart for a genuine and sincere love and instead, gave it a colorfully scripted love story that would always end when the time comes and the curtains fall. With all of these bothersome things revolving inside my head, I keep on asking myself repeatedly, “Did you ever love me at all?” or was I just another plaything that you could always replace when you’ve grown bored.

Maybe, you are still alive – that I do not know for you never, at least with all the remaining decency and courtesy that you have left, made me feel that you have not left. You are alive but I mourn for your departure with how you left me. Death could always justify a person’s leaving but you, who are still alive, chose to leave me for reasons that I do not know – reasons that will always be enigmatic to me.

The sight of you, walking away towards greater distance made me feel that somehow, I am still a poor, helpless infant that is vulnerable outside the mother’s embrace. Slowly, you paced in the horizon – your back facing against me, as the sun slowly sets and your image turns to a miniscule shadow that is dying away.

Last of all, after having decided that you will be taking your life’s most binding contract; like a being walking towards the sun who’s paces ahead of me, you were but a shadow as small that I could fit you in my palms but you were too far away and I could not hold you. Never anymore.
I end this with a verse.

“You’ve made me strong as I could be,
and made me show the best of me.
But, like how you’ve made me before –
be any better, I’ve nothing more.”

-dyan kay ben-

Quotes

These are the tools that I most desire,
ink and pen, and a tongue of fire.
--------------------------------------
Sing along to tunes I hum,
the melody of the rhum.
--------------------------------------
Through pen and paper, my soul links
with yours.
--------------------------------------

written on separate dates.

Lyric Trials

Like how high the soaring kite,
in dreams when I lie at night.
I'll have the glaring sun and touch
and when it's mine, love it as much
-----------------------------------
The sun sets 'till there is night,
to her, I will lock my sight.
The rooster crows, at last it's day,
I'll soon find out, she's far away.
-----------------------------------
Yesterday, she's at my side,
As we travelled far and wide.
Afterwards, walked out the door,
she was here, now nevermore!
-----------------------------------
I resolved to gain the sleepless nights
then tried to save my head from pain.
My eyes then shut, it ignored the lights,
to slumber's where I went again.
----------------------------------------
-dyan kay ben-

stanzas written on different dates.

http://thekeyrose.blogspot.com

Gloria's Deadly Band*

Demonstrators blocked the road,
to her mansion-like abode.
Roaring loud, signboards in hand,
"Why augment your deadly band*?"

*deadly band - William Wordsworth used this term to mean breast.
"Around my tight and deadly band..." from "The Mad Mother"

By the Banks on a Full Moon

I held her hand
before she stepped down
onto the boat.
She wore a shirt and jeans
not a gown for a queen.

As I slowly rowed by the banks
under the moon on a summer's night,
no matter how bright the moon was,
it would always envy her eyes
which I'd rather choose to stare at.

And the music of the restaurants by the banks
would always seem faint to her humming.
As she would spell out a tune as mild
as the touch of the wind
and the flow of the river.

As the moon gently sways on the river's surface,
an image forms and I reach out.
It is but a reflection;
I try to grasp like how she stood in front of me -
never meant to be held by my hands.

-dyan kay ben-
07/03/09

Tingnan Mo Ang Kanilang mga Mata

Habang tahimik ang aming bunso sa kanyang kuna,
dumedede ng de-kalidad na gatas ng sanggol,
bumulalas ang aking ina, “Tuwang-tuwa siya.”
Halata ko din na kuntentado siya sa ginagawa.

Biglang lumukob sa isipan ko,
“Paano kaya yung ibang mga bata?
Ganito din kaya ang kanilang dinaranas?”
Pinangibabawan ako ng aking kalungkutan.

Awang-awa ako sa mga batang nakatitig sa akin.
Nakikita ko sila, nararamdaman.
Habang tangan nila ang boteng tanging laman
ay ang malabnaw na gatas yari sa mumurahing gawgaw.

Naiyak at nanlumo ako ng makitang wala silang saplot,
karga ng nanay na marusing at naghihinagpis.
Bundat ang kanilang mga sikmura at magtataka ka,
kung busog nga ba sila o puno ng hangin ang tiyan nila.

Nabigla ako sa pagsandal ko sa kuna ng kapatid ko.
Dumaan sa kokote ko ang kalunus-lunos nilang kalagayan.
Ni wala man lang silang silong sa init at ulan.
Walang pader na sandalan at taguan sa lamig.

Tinititigan nila ako at iniabot ng nanay ang kanyang kamay
na tila ba hindi man lang nakaranas ng sabon at tubig.
Natatakot ako at sinakop din ng awa.
Sa kanilang mga titig na nangugusap, lumilimos ng pag-asa

Doon sila naninirahan sa may plaza, sa may monumento.
Meron pa palang mga tulad nila ngayon,
mga taong ang paniniwala sa bayani
ay hindi limitado sa libro at sa loob ng silid-aralan lamang.

Malamang pagkat hindi sila nakapagtapos ng pag-aaral.
O baka nga malala pa ang kanilang kalagayan,
na hindi man lang nila alam kung ano ang itsura
ng mga gusali sa paaralan at mga pisara.

Linisan ng mga nasabing imahe ang utak ko
at nagsimula akong mabagabag at maawa.
Pero ano ang magagawa ng ating awa?
Wala itong maiaambag sa kanila.

Ang awa, hindi nakakabusog sa sikmura.
Dagdag lamang iyan sa sangkatutak na buntung-hininga
na binibitawan ng malalim at may puwersa.
Pag lipas ng ilang oras, mananatili na lang na alaala.

Kun Nahihiling Niya Kita

Kun Siya man nanggad presente
sa gabos na oras, nakatangro
sa satuya sa mga ginigino ta,
ano daw kun napapangirit Siya
sa urulay kan mga parainom sa kanto?

Kun siring palan,
baka nginiritan Niya kita
kan kita aki pa asin
kita nadapla sa pa-adal
na makalakaw kan kita omboy pa.

Kun Siya nakahiling sa gabos,
maray pa palan Siya
ta nahihiling Niya an mga hawak
na magkasugpong sa kadikluman,
nasa kainitan, parani sa glorya.

Asin madadangog Niya man
kun pano Siya idamay
kan magkapareha pag sinda paparani na
sa dulo nin saindang kawat
kasabay nin ipit na hinghing.

Ano daw kun daw matapos?
Mabibitin man daw Siya
asin mauungis sa magkapareha?
Ano daw an Saiyang gigibuhon?
Baka padusahan an magkapareha?

-dyan kay ben-
07/01/09