Downfall

I turned to my last resort – of seeking the love of another young woman – to get rid of the pain you have installed in my system. I tried to get even with you not knowing how cowardly the act actually is. I ignored the need of an innocent heart for a genuine and sincere love and instead, gave it a colorfully scripted love story that would always end when the time comes and the curtains fall. With all of these bothersome things revolving inside my head, I keep on asking myself repeatedly, “Did you ever love me at all?” or was I just another plaything that you could always replace when you’ve grown bored.

Maybe, you are still alive – that I do not know for you never, at least with all the remaining decency and courtesy that you have left, made me feel that you have not left. You are alive but I mourn for your departure with how you left me. Death could always justify a person’s leaving but you, who are still alive, chose to leave me for reasons that I do not know – reasons that will always be enigmatic to me.

The sight of you, walking away towards greater distance made me feel that somehow, I am still a poor, helpless infant that is vulnerable outside the mother’s embrace. Slowly, you paced in the horizon – your back facing against me, as the sun slowly sets and your image turns to a miniscule shadow that is dying away.

Last of all, after having decided that you will be taking your life’s most binding contract; like a being walking towards the sun who’s paces ahead of me, you were but a shadow as small that I could fit you in my palms but you were too far away and I could not hold you. Never anymore.
I end this with a verse.

“You’ve made me strong as I could be,
and made me show the best of me.
But, like how you’ve made me before –
be any better, I’ve nothing more.”

-dyan kay ben-