Bubutungon Kita

Bubutungon kita pataas hanggang
sa tanos an satuyang tindog.
Sa puon, matios kita
hanggang sa makanuod magkamang.

Bubutungon kita pataas hanggang
sa makanood kita nagtukaw
asin makatanaw; makangaran
nin mga bagay-bagay.

Bubutungon kita pataas antes na
kita tatao na maglakaw
asin maghanap nin mga kasimbagan
sa mga kahapotan na dae napupuho.

Bubutungon kita pababa
pag satuyang naaraman an kasimbagan -
na kita luway-luway na bubutungon
antes na may natatada sa satuya.

Bubutungon kita pababa
puon sa liog sa supog na
kita, minsan, naghanap kasimbagan
para kita malinawan -

dae kita sisimbagan sa gabos na oras,
dikit-dikit na bubutungon nin daga
an satuyang abaga hastang
kamang na sana an nagigibo ta.

Bubutungon kita pababa;
an satuyang lawog nakaduta sa salog -
asin garo nakikihuron an daga sa satuya,
"Napungaw ako sa saimong kamot asin tuhod."

Bubutungon kita pababa
hanggang sa an hinanghos hinulbot na;
an paghiling, dikit-dikit minadiklom,
igwa kitang kamot; bitis na nakalubong.

-dyankayben-
12/7/09

Rima LXVI - Gustavo Adolfo Becquer dinakitaramon ni Jan Kevin de Quiroz

Saen ako gikan? . . . Tuntunon
an pinakamasakit, pinakamangerhat na dalan:
an mga marka nin tiil na duguan
sa kagapuan;
an mga purukit na walat nin kalag
na dulot nin matunok na tinanom
an mahatag saimo nin agihan
pasiring sa sakuyang pinaghalean.

Pasaen ako? . . . Umagi
sa pinakamamundo, pinakamadiklom na gubat;
an lambak nin daeng-untok na niyebe asin daeng untok na kamunduan
na nagdadanay.
Duman kun saen may solo-solong gapo
na mayong ngaran,
sa ineerokan nin paglingaw,
duman ako itatalbong

(Spanish)
Rima LXVI. De dónde vengo...

¿De dónde vengo...? El más horrible y áspero
de los senderos busca:
Las huellas de unos pies ensangrentados
sobre la roca dura,
los despojos de un alma hecha jirones
en las zarzas agudas,
te dirán el camino
que conduce a mi cuna.

¿A donde voy? El más sombrío y triste
de los páramos cruza,
valle de eternas nieves y de eternas
melancólicas brumas.

En donde esté una piedra solitaria
sin inscripción alguna,
donde habite el olvido,
allí estará mi tumba.

(English)

Rhyme LXVI

Where do I come from? . . . Seek out
the roughest, most horrible path:
the prints of feet bloodied
on hard rock;
the tattered remnants of a soul
laid bare by thorny bramble
will show you the way
that leads to my cradle.

Where am I going? . . . Pass through
the saddest, most somber wilderness;
a valley of eternal snow and of eternal
melancholy mists.
There where you find a solitary stone
without any inscription,
where oblivion dwells,
there my tomb will be.

Sa Erokan nin Paglingaw by Luis Cernuda dinakittaramon ni Jan Kevin de Quiroz

Sa erokan nin paglingaw,
sa mga hardin na mayong saldang;
kun sain ako magigi na sanang
sarong agui-agui nin gapo na tinalbong sa may awot
kun sain dinudulagan nin duros an kapirotan.

Kun sain an sakuyang ngaran babayaan
an saiyang hawak sa kalamias nin oras,
kun sain mayong mga kamawotan.

Kun sain an pagkamoot, an mangerhat na anghel,
dae papatadumon an saiyang pakpak
na garo batbat sa sakuyang puso,
nakangirit, magayon, habang mas nagkukulog.

Duman, kun sain mawawara an kahandalan
na naghahagad nin sadiring among,
isusuko an sadiring buhay sa saro pang buhay,
na mayong ibang nahihiling kundi an kaatubang.

Kun sain an kaogmahan asin kamunduan mga ngaran sana,
langit asin daga sa palibot kan memorya;
sain, sa wakas ako mapapalibre, na dae nagmamangno,
napuho sa alupuop, sa kamayoan,
kamayoan na garo kublit nin omboy.

Duman sa harayo,
sa erokan nin paglingaw.

-dyankayben-
12/07/09

Ika na Dae Nahihiling

Pag nagduros makusog,
siguro Ika sarong dakulang
kamot na nagkakayab
para ako takigan.

Tibaad Ika sarong nilalang
na kadakol talinga
na naghihinanyog
sa samuyang inagrangay.

Magin an buta pareho ko,
na namamaanan kang
dakulang kamot

o nilalang na dakol talinga.
Magin ako o an buta,
dae Ka nahihiling.

The Man Who Can't Be Moved - The Script

Going Back to the corner where I first saw you
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag I'm not gonna move
Got some words on cardboard, got your picture in my hand
saying, "if you see this girl can you tell her where I am"

Some try to hand me money, they don't understand
I'm not broke I'm just a broken hearted man
I know it makes no sense but what else can I do
How can I move on when I'm still in love with you

Cause If one day you wake up and find your missing me
and your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet
And you'll see me waiting for you on our corner of the street
So I'm not moving, I'm not moving

Policeman says, "son you can't stay here"
I said, "there's someone I'm waiting for If it's a day, a month, a year"
Gotta stand my ground even if it rains or snows
If she changes her mind this is the first place she will go

Cause If one day you wake up and find your missing me
and your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinkin maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet
And you'll see me waiting for you on our corner of the street
So I'm not moving, I'm not moving,
I'm not moving, I'm not moving

People talk about the guy that's waiting on a girl
There are no holes in his shoes but a big hole in his world

Maybe i'll get famous as the man who can't be moved
Maybe you wont mean to but you'll see me on the news
And you'll come running to the corner
cause you'll know it's just for you
Im the man who can't be moved

Chorus 2x

Going Back to the corner where I first saw you
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag I'm not gonna move

Maguindanao

that stupid war: rough study by ~yatoy on deviantART

Nin huli ta an buhay
yaon sa saiyang kamot,
paghona niya kaya niya
na tulos ining ratakon

asin bawion.
Siya na bako man kaglalang,
hinuhugot an hinangos
hale sa daghan

nin mga tawong
mawot sana man magkontra
sa kaputikan.

Sa likod nin lente,
saindang nahiling an balang
may ukit nin saindang ngaran.

Mamundo maging Burak

Mauran makusog,
dangan masaldang nin pwerte.
Mahayop an duros asin
haros mapugto an kugos

na nagtatao sakuya nin buhay.
Aking sadit na sana
an minatino sakuya
kun bako an putakti

na lantad akong hinahabasan;
minadulok sana pag may kaipuhan.

Sa poon, masakit. Ibinubuyangyang mo
an saimong sadiri, maray na sana
ta dae ka mapapasupog
pag dae ka tinitino.

Maray pa an politikong
puro ka-lapaan an imahe,
pinag-uulayan mantang huya ako,
nagpu-porbar na hapihapon

an saimong kipot na daghan
para haleon an kulog boot
asin mga kaanggotan,
pero duros sana an naghahadok.

Doorstep

Love, here I am.
The wounds have healed
and my callused feet
have now grown well.

I have grown tired
of seeking you, Love.
Oh those cold, restless nights
that I've spent in search of you.

Love, here I am.
Deliver yourself to me
for I have prepared
a cozy home for you.

And the sun,
has gone down again.
But I;ve heard not -
not a single knock on my door.

Love, here I am.
In the morning,
I hope, I could find you
waiting at my doorstep.

Photo Courtesy of Maryam Xelene del Pilar

Daydream

On the other end of the room
that promised the growth
of the human mind,
you sat down away from me

at the other corner,
thinking of something else.

How I want to unravel
the mystery beneath those buttons
and uncover you
like a never-before-read book,

with worlds waiting
for me to discover them.

How I want to peruse
the very features that lie in wait
for me to unwrap;
I will not wear them down

rather, hold them dearly.
I will trek each curve with passion

that keep the climbers hiking.
And your hair will live freely
between my fingers all the while
I'm kissing you.

Now, it's your turn to write something about this...(Guernica by Pablo Picasso)

Please e-mail me at these addresses:
unholy_gm@yahoo.com
irose103008@yahoo.com

The Breeze tells me, Loved One... by Antonio Machado

The breeze tells me, loved one,
of your pure white dress . . .
My eyes may not see you,
but my heart awaits.

The wind has brought me
your name in the morning;
the echo of your step
resounds on the hill . . .
My eyes may not see you
but my heart awaits.

In the somber towers
the bells are tolling . . .
My eyes may not see you
but my heart awaits.

The falling hammer
tells me of the black box;
and the place for the grave,
the sound of the spade . . .
My eyes may not see you
but my heart awaits.

Rokeby Venus (ekphrasis)

Painting by Diego Velázquez


I could only but wonder
what hands carved your ardent curves.
The young seraph hides its tower
upon seeing you.

How I wish you would at least
turn to look at me
or that Cupid
move the mirror to the left.

The mirror spells envy
to every other breathing woman
as you look at it.

How I sometimes wish
I were a god that could morph
into a mirror myself.

To A Cough

You who always bother and pester
my chest, lie somewhere
near my heart. You,
whom I can't

get rid of. But my persistence
in ousting you from my throat
deprives you of getting near
my heart. My friends tell me

that it is you I always utter.
The pain that accompany you
remains with me still.

You are a curse.
I ask you to leave me
but you insist in dwelling.

Frustration

You clog the veins of my pen
and cease its blood from flowing.
You are a monster - frightening
that whenever you draw near,

my hands lose the strength
and I get buried under the earth
with soil covering my feet
up to my mouth.

Seeing what there is in front of me
pains me and I push my mind
to think that it's not there -
human despair; all the horrors

gather around me while my usefulness -
my body shrinks to a pair of eyes.
What good is there then for having a mind
that can cut the dark,

if it is only the shadow
of what there is
that it could cut?
And the thereness lay before me.

To A Deaf and Blind Muse (A Un Sordo y Ciego Musa)

You, who cannot hear
my singing, then what use
is there for writing my songs
and heaving breaths?

You, who did not choose
that in the mornings,
you could not hear
the rooster crowing,
the birds singing
and my heart that vainly
tries to let its voice
reach your heart.

You, who was chosen
not to hear the evils -
the explosion of bombs
and the cries of the wounded.
I envy you for being pure
in soul - for having not heard me
cursing your fate
as you can never hear me.

It must have been hard -
I know for there are times
that I walk beneath hurricanes
but you. who never saw
how happy the world has been
for having captivated a muse
in your form.
And you never see the sun setting;

that with all its grandeur,
you may ask me how it felt.
I'd spell out in your palm
the heat that it gave me.
Oh lovely muse, be not afraid.
You may not know the singing of birds
or the setting of the sun,
but this I promise you:

That at the end of each day,
I'll grab your hand and open it.
I'll spell in your palm
how everything felt.
Love is not something to hear,
also not a figure to see.
But I will let the warmth
reach you.

I'll grab your hand
and place it on my chest.

Amnesia II

I used to run along
in the fields
together with the winds
that made me feel safe.

They blew my hair away
and I closed my eyes;
raised my arms and glided
through the gentle breeze.

My feet slid over the grass
and knocked off
the residing dew on the tips
of the blades.

There were those mornings
that I went to te fields.
I whistled to summon the winds
but they did not respond.

On a hot summer morning,
the blades of grass were dry
and the earth cracked
under every stepI make.

To My Friends (A Mi Amigos)

When I am but a heap of ashes,
do not weep over me
that your tears will fall on me
and will try to bind me.

You know how much I hate
the lack of freedom.
Throw the remains of my marrow
somewhere where light reaches it.

Plant a seed in me.
Nurture it so that one day,
a tree will spring from me.

So that when the heat wears you down,
you can come to me and know
that I never left you.

-dyankayben-
11/07/09

Cuando soy solamente un montón de cenizas,
no llore sobre mí
que sus rasgones caerán en mí
e intentarán atarme.

Usted sabe cuánto odio
la carencia de la libertad.
Lance los restos de mi tuétano
en alguna parte donde la luz la alcanza.

Plante una semilla en mí.
Consolídela de modo que un día,
un árbol suelte de mí.

De modo que cuando el calor le agota,
usted pueda venir a mí y saber
que nunca le dejé.

To A Hand

There was this hand
that was generous in spreading fear,
not love to its surroundings.
He held out his palm

while the back of his hand,
his fists are full of blisters and boils.
He handed me a shining apple
and told me to eat it.

I jumped in joy for being one
of the few blessed - not with frost
from his hands but fire

that seemed to warm my soul.
I bit the apple - smiling.
And it was my last.

To Sing the Same Old Song (Volver a la Misma Cancion)

To sing the same old song
under the vast blanket
of the night sky
to the tune of my mandolin

would be as if climbing
the steep mountains;
and the peak loses its majesty
for having been conquered.

My mandolin dreams
as it cries out my humming;
wishing for the proper wind

to call you, to tell you
that here I am
singing the same old song.

Feliz III (Mi Ultimo Rima A Mi Feliz)

The wind passed
and it turned
to look at me.
It wrapped its gown
around my face,
and it whispered to me:
"Come with me."

I followed its trail
eastward - the sun
setting behind me
as my shadow steps forward.

To Diotima III (Lady Starlight)

The moon peeps through
my trembling window.
Your eyes peeped through
my soul.

Streetlamps were made
out of man's fear
of the darkness
that enveloped the world.

But I am not afraid.
Lady starlight, twinkle once more.
With you, I'm not afraid.

The moon peeps through
my trembling window.
Your eyes peeped through my soul.

Lament of Cupid’s Arrow

When will I find
someone for myself?
You, seraph with feathered wings,
put me against your bowstring
to cross bridges.

When will I find
someone for myself?
When will she realize
that had I not hit her,
she wouldn’t love him?

Memoirs

“Loving is so short and forgetting is so long.”
- Pablo Neruda

Where are you?
My mind seeks you
but my body,
this wretched frame –
a net of nerves, lose
the courage it needs.

You are present and true
only to my mind.
I can feel that you exist
without having my body
touch or taste you.
You, who will forever elude me.

The Breeze Brings to Me

What is it that rustles so,
so far away?
Is it you, Love?
Your footsteps that trail
the blades of grass?

Is it you, Love?
Your feathered arms that cut
and separate air?
And you clash amidst branches,
your wings between twigs.

The breeze brings to me
these sounds I hear.
I sit and wait for what it is.
It never comes – I then ask:

“What is it that rustles so,
so far away?”

Silhouette (Silueta)

Hope, you are
a silhouette
of what I will be.
And I see you
when my muscles
are numb.

Death

In a valley
where wind chooses
not to pass,
a stone will sprout
but will not grow.
It calls me
with its silenced mouth.

The Arrest

Parked outside the cottage
was a car painted like piano keys.
Men stepped down - whose faces
spelled justice for the rich
and hands that exacted punishment
for the poor.

As one of the men toyed
with rusty cuffs -
those dreaded tools that
even a god has been held
captive; unconscious
while staring at the sky.

And the gavel remains
but claims not to be
the most innocent slayer
that hires silence
to cease tons of men -
even some of the gods.

If the walls have ears,
they should know how
at night, the men would
write their letters in tears.

And if the bars have mouths,
how many times they would say:
"I'd miss those hands of yours
that once held me."

Ballad of the Moon (Romance del Luna)

The moon in full mast,
would glide over hills
and mountains, over treetops;
the wind snored to its content.

It reached Paris
and sighed as it envied
the lovers' eyes
that each woud rather stare at.

It soared high above,
over paved needles that persisted
to wound the sky
but always failed.

Its silvery eyes peered through
the paved needles -
rain fell down on the streets;
an old man slept on the sidewalks.

The moon in full mast,
perched over treetops
and joined me by the river
to sip a little drink.

-dyankayben-

From Under Your Shade

It is here, from under your shade that I choose to dwell. I can hear the feeble trill of the birds nestling within your arms.
What I love most is the silence you bring. Under your shade, I can spend all day long, sitting – and you never scared me away.
To the people who pass by us, what they’ll never understand is how my heart lies within your trunk. In you, I have found not a tree but a home.
And you may ask me why? With all confidence, I’ll stand up and tell you:
“Yesterday, a lady sat down here with me. She would be my bride. An axe in my hand, and a few swings of my arms, you will fall down, and I’ll build a house out of you.”
And, oh, before I forget. Thank you, because you never complained.

It Is Your Clear Eye (Et Es Su Claros Ojos)

Red flower,
it is your clear eye
that greets the phantom
hiding among the thorns and bushes.

Fair passion,
it is your clear eye
that sees in the dark –
a beam of light radiates from your pearls.

Mystery,
it is your clear eye
I choose to stare at.

Red flower,
it is your clear eye
Death chooses to close.

The Gentle Wind Takes away Silence

Into an open door,
invisible horses flushed about
uplifting the sleeping boy –
inviting him to play.

The gentle wind is not noise,
but it takes away the silence.
The boy has chosen the place
where the wind dare not go.

The gentle wind takes away silence –
later at night, when lovers return,
the boy had gone with the horses;

to the place where the wind doesn’t go.
The gentle wind is not noise,
but it takes away the silence

The Guitar (La Guitarra)

As I pluck my six-stringed heart,
the notes are hooks
that cling to the train
of the wind’s gown.

And the rains
let their tears fall
upon the hooks –
rust crumbles them.

Can you not hear
the hooks falling toward your ears?
Can you not hear
the weep of my six-stringed heart?

Memoirs

The mind is covered
with cobwebs -
like a chest
laden with stories
of many various sunsets.

My Heart

My heart
is that of a
vampire's stomach,
filled with the blood
of a hundred slivered souls.

Daybreak

And the sun
is a grave keeper
digging out the soil
of the night's tombstone.

-dyankayben-

Bulawan

Dahon,
kansuodma ika berde
siring sa kulay nin uma
na naherasan nin tinanom.

Ako,
kansuodma nabubuhay,
pinangaki na may mata
na nakahiling sa saimo.

Dahon,
ngunyan na ika bulawan,
siring sa kulay nin uma
na grasya sa para-uma.

Ako,
ngunyan ako naghahangos,
tibaad nuarin sana,
mawara an sakuyang mata.

Dahon,
saaga, pa'no na ika?
Pag mayo na ako igdi,
isay saimo matanaw?

-dyan kay ben-

Onward

I tidied up my bed
where her memories
sharpened the creases
of my sheets.

Like a snake, my heart
has shed its skin.
And that I held it close to my chest,
drenched with honey and blood.

As I stare on the wall,
a portrait of you reminds me
of the nightingale's song
at the break of dawning.

And on my bed,
I see our picture -
your arms wrapped around me;
a flash of an empty scene, I get.

-dyan kay ben-

Bitoon

Nagpatalubo ako
nin nagkapirang tinanom sa natad -
mga banhi nin nagbuburak na tanom.
Inataman ko nin husay,
dinugdog ni tubig
kun namamate ko na siring
na sana an paha kan mga gamot.

Nagdukhay nin hararom,
nagrarom
asin nagrarom lalo
an mga ugat kaini sa daga -
sa kada muklat-turog
nin saldang asin bulan.

Tuminambo ini nin husay
hastang nagsupang
an mga enot na sanga
asin matutunganga ako
habang dinadalan an tinanom
na nagbabayle sa duros.

Pirang ekis na man
an sakuyang naitatak sa kalendaryo
kan luhay-luhay, sarong aldaw -
pag-hakay ko asin paghunat,
nakisabay man an mga burak
na napagmata sa halawig na turog.

Pagbungkaras ko sa kutson,
sinir'ip sa bintana an mga tanom
sa sakuyang natad
kan pukawon an sakuyang mga mata
asin kalag kan nahiling -
mga estrella na narakdag hale sa langit!

Nagkikirimat-kimat sa laad nin saldang
asin an pahamot, minahapihap
sa sakuyang dungo;
mga kalyo asin lugad sa kamot
na naging mga estrella
na nagliliwanag, pamukaw-kalag.

Uminagi an sakuyang amigo
asin napapundo para makisumaro
sa sakuya sa pagpiyesta
nin samuyang mga mata
sa nakahatag na tanawon -
mga estrellas na nagliliwanag sa aldaw.

Bulan an naka-agi
bago nagturugpaan sa sakuyang natad
an mga bitoon sa langit.
Kaparehong aldaw,
paghuraw nin saldang sa sulnupan,
hahabason man an mga bitoon.

The Eye You See Isnt...

The eye you see isn't an eye
because you see it.
It's an eye because it sees you

-Antonio Machado

If You Leave at Daybreak

If you leave at daybreak,
Silently, lightly, love,
Do not alarm the nightingale.

If you part at dawning
From these arms that hold you dear,
That you not be seen in the arms
Of an enviable affair,
Go on woolen tiptoe,
Silently, lightly, love,
Do not alarm the nightingale.

-Lope de Vega

Charred Candlewick

Night’s darkness enveloped the old house
where only a candle stick served as illumination.
Slowly,
wax drips like teardrops.

As if the length of paraffin has
a feeling of its own, like it could breathe as how we do.
Darkness,
falls as the wind blows.

Tomorrow, as the sun starts yawning,
the wick will wait for the tiny flicker that will revive.
Sputter,
life springs back anew.

-dyan kay ben-

Nocturne

Silence of the night, sorrowful nighttime
silence . . . Why does my soul tremble this way?
I hear the humming of my blood,
a gentle storm passes by inside my skull.
Insomnia! To be unable to sleep, and yet
to keep dreaming. To be the self-subject
of spiritual dissection, the self-Hamlet!
To diffuse my sadness
into a night wine
in the miraculous crystal goblet of the darkness. . . .
And I ask myself: "At what hour will the dawn come?"
A door has closed. . . .
Someone has walked by outside. . . .
The clock has struck three. . . . What if it’s Death?!

-Ruben Dario

The Garden Can Keep its Roses

Day by day, I walked past a garden
to marvel at magnificence –
the white doves cooing,
the pears, peaches and apples that abound,
and after all the scenes –
have my eyes fixed on the roses.

The roses with their mystic arrangements,
with the thorns that ward-off
intoxicated lovers from picking them.
And the euphoric bliss brought about
by the fragrance that perfumes;
the moist scent in Eden.

And then I’d pick a flower – a rose,
unmindful of the treacherous thorns
that would likely prick
my finger – and that drop of blood
to spill on the flowers petals
to add to its crimson pigment.

And then by envy, my chest would
heave a deep sigh while looking up
toward the sapphire ceiling of the sky
while the sun’s rays peeped through
the emerald-green foliage of the trees –
where the palomas nestled.

Clear, sunny afternoon –
I’d slowly pace down the road while
whistling out tunes – the scherzos,
the minuettes; all in staccato,
as the urgency for bringing home my gift
was felt while toiling my way.

Still a long way to go – where
in the opaline sky is a peaceful transparency
that grades off until it changes to tones of
dark violet toward the east, shifting to gold –
and at the horizon, the last beams of light vibrate;
oblique, reddish and losing their strength.

Alas! upon my neighbor’s doorstep,
with the present in my hand; that crimson bud
with claws that pierced through flesh.
Through my finger – and that drop of blood
to spill on the flower’s petals
to add to its crimson pigment.

But pinkish young woman, denied of tomorrow
as the sun yawned to sleep, took her sight forever.
And the first sign of the stars would mean
the last signs of her life too. There she lay,
breathless, eyelids shut to the world now,
forevermore deprived of my burning admiration.

I look at her cold face –
calm, no signs of stress, no signs of life.
I began blaming her: "Had you not left your door
open for Death to pass through and take you!"
I can never see her chestnut eyes anymore
with the tiny sparks, signs of her life.

With utter disappointment I cursed –
the opaline sky, the first stars, the emerald-green foliage of the trees
where the palomas nestled,
the scherzos, the minuettes – all in staccato.
Oh! and the pears, peaches and apples,
and the crimson bud with the drop of my blood.

I cast away the rose,
and a bitter sigh while staring at the velvet sky.
The stars twinkled; resembling the tiny sparks
that I used to behold in her eyes.
"You and your fragrance cannot bring her back!
What meaning is there for a pair of eyes in Eden?"

I turned my back against Feliz –
what happiness could I now hold?
In my hand are blisters – on the floor, my present.
The fragrance brings chills to my spine
as it insultingly conveys merriment.
Eden can keep its roses.

-dyan kay ben-

Quote

"I love you." Not a single statement could be more threatening. It just means that you are about to receive a gift that you may not want. -Rainer Maria Rilke

Resilient

Moments ago, I sat down
to spare myself from the mockery that
accompanied stumbling.
Love itself slapped me hard
and knocked me.
I wasted epochs wailing -
mourning for some loss
until the day that light peeped through.
Alas! a hand was lent and grabbed me
and freed me from the box.
I stood up and resolved myself,
wiped my face from tears.
If not for the hand that pulled me up
never would I be spared.

I found her paces ahead of me.
She was walking faster
and I was but weak.
I have to fight and recover
if ever I wanted to gain on her.
Until that day comes,
she'll pause for a while -
to sit and to take a rest;
from all the walking.
And until that very moment,
I'll grab her by the hand.
I won't let go of her,
pull her in front of me
and have her wrapped in my arms

Downfall

I turned to my last resort – of seeking the love of another young woman – to get rid of the pain you have installed in my system. I tried to get even with you not knowing how cowardly the act actually is. I ignored the need of an innocent heart for a genuine and sincere love and instead, gave it a colorfully scripted love story that would always end when the time comes and the curtains fall. With all of these bothersome things revolving inside my head, I keep on asking myself repeatedly, “Did you ever love me at all?” or was I just another plaything that you could always replace when you’ve grown bored.

Maybe, you are still alive – that I do not know for you never, at least with all the remaining decency and courtesy that you have left, made me feel that you have not left. You are alive but I mourn for your departure with how you left me. Death could always justify a person’s leaving but you, who are still alive, chose to leave me for reasons that I do not know – reasons that will always be enigmatic to me.

The sight of you, walking away towards greater distance made me feel that somehow, I am still a poor, helpless infant that is vulnerable outside the mother’s embrace. Slowly, you paced in the horizon – your back facing against me, as the sun slowly sets and your image turns to a miniscule shadow that is dying away.

Last of all, after having decided that you will be taking your life’s most binding contract; like a being walking towards the sun who’s paces ahead of me, you were but a shadow as small that I could fit you in my palms but you were too far away and I could not hold you. Never anymore.
I end this with a verse.

“You’ve made me strong as I could be,
and made me show the best of me.
But, like how you’ve made me before –
be any better, I’ve nothing more.”

-dyan kay ben-

Quotes

These are the tools that I most desire,
ink and pen, and a tongue of fire.
--------------------------------------
Sing along to tunes I hum,
the melody of the rhum.
--------------------------------------
Through pen and paper, my soul links
with yours.
--------------------------------------

written on separate dates.

Lyric Trials

Like how high the soaring kite,
in dreams when I lie at night.
I'll have the glaring sun and touch
and when it's mine, love it as much
-----------------------------------
The sun sets 'till there is night,
to her, I will lock my sight.
The rooster crows, at last it's day,
I'll soon find out, she's far away.
-----------------------------------
Yesterday, she's at my side,
As we travelled far and wide.
Afterwards, walked out the door,
she was here, now nevermore!
-----------------------------------
I resolved to gain the sleepless nights
then tried to save my head from pain.
My eyes then shut, it ignored the lights,
to slumber's where I went again.
----------------------------------------
-dyan kay ben-

stanzas written on different dates.

http://thekeyrose.blogspot.com

Gloria's Deadly Band*

Demonstrators blocked the road,
to her mansion-like abode.
Roaring loud, signboards in hand,
"Why augment your deadly band*?"

*deadly band - William Wordsworth used this term to mean breast.
"Around my tight and deadly band..." from "The Mad Mother"

By the Banks on a Full Moon

I held her hand
before she stepped down
onto the boat.
She wore a shirt and jeans
not a gown for a queen.

As I slowly rowed by the banks
under the moon on a summer's night,
no matter how bright the moon was,
it would always envy her eyes
which I'd rather choose to stare at.

And the music of the restaurants by the banks
would always seem faint to her humming.
As she would spell out a tune as mild
as the touch of the wind
and the flow of the river.

As the moon gently sways on the river's surface,
an image forms and I reach out.
It is but a reflection;
I try to grasp like how she stood in front of me -
never meant to be held by my hands.

-dyan kay ben-
07/03/09

Tingnan Mo Ang Kanilang mga Mata

Habang tahimik ang aming bunso sa kanyang kuna,
dumedede ng de-kalidad na gatas ng sanggol,
bumulalas ang aking ina, “Tuwang-tuwa siya.”
Halata ko din na kuntentado siya sa ginagawa.

Biglang lumukob sa isipan ko,
“Paano kaya yung ibang mga bata?
Ganito din kaya ang kanilang dinaranas?”
Pinangibabawan ako ng aking kalungkutan.

Awang-awa ako sa mga batang nakatitig sa akin.
Nakikita ko sila, nararamdaman.
Habang tangan nila ang boteng tanging laman
ay ang malabnaw na gatas yari sa mumurahing gawgaw.

Naiyak at nanlumo ako ng makitang wala silang saplot,
karga ng nanay na marusing at naghihinagpis.
Bundat ang kanilang mga sikmura at magtataka ka,
kung busog nga ba sila o puno ng hangin ang tiyan nila.

Nabigla ako sa pagsandal ko sa kuna ng kapatid ko.
Dumaan sa kokote ko ang kalunus-lunos nilang kalagayan.
Ni wala man lang silang silong sa init at ulan.
Walang pader na sandalan at taguan sa lamig.

Tinititigan nila ako at iniabot ng nanay ang kanyang kamay
na tila ba hindi man lang nakaranas ng sabon at tubig.
Natatakot ako at sinakop din ng awa.
Sa kanilang mga titig na nangugusap, lumilimos ng pag-asa

Doon sila naninirahan sa may plaza, sa may monumento.
Meron pa palang mga tulad nila ngayon,
mga taong ang paniniwala sa bayani
ay hindi limitado sa libro at sa loob ng silid-aralan lamang.

Malamang pagkat hindi sila nakapagtapos ng pag-aaral.
O baka nga malala pa ang kanilang kalagayan,
na hindi man lang nila alam kung ano ang itsura
ng mga gusali sa paaralan at mga pisara.

Linisan ng mga nasabing imahe ang utak ko
at nagsimula akong mabagabag at maawa.
Pero ano ang magagawa ng ating awa?
Wala itong maiaambag sa kanila.

Ang awa, hindi nakakabusog sa sikmura.
Dagdag lamang iyan sa sangkatutak na buntung-hininga
na binibitawan ng malalim at may puwersa.
Pag lipas ng ilang oras, mananatili na lang na alaala.

Kun Nahihiling Niya Kita

Kun Siya man nanggad presente
sa gabos na oras, nakatangro
sa satuya sa mga ginigino ta,
ano daw kun napapangirit Siya
sa urulay kan mga parainom sa kanto?

Kun siring palan,
baka nginiritan Niya kita
kan kita aki pa asin
kita nadapla sa pa-adal
na makalakaw kan kita omboy pa.

Kun Siya nakahiling sa gabos,
maray pa palan Siya
ta nahihiling Niya an mga hawak
na magkasugpong sa kadikluman,
nasa kainitan, parani sa glorya.

Asin madadangog Niya man
kun pano Siya idamay
kan magkapareha pag sinda paparani na
sa dulo nin saindang kawat
kasabay nin ipit na hinghing.

Ano daw kun daw matapos?
Mabibitin man daw Siya
asin mauungis sa magkapareha?
Ano daw an Saiyang gigibuhon?
Baka padusahan an magkapareha?

-dyan kay ben-
07/01/09

Anticipation

You trekked past the greenery
and pursued the darkness
hiding behind the trees.

I could not dare follow you
for I was too afraid.
I knew that I adore you.

But of how much?
I do not know.
Did I really love you?

What was my perception?
My thought about love?
Do I really know how to?

All these came out,
as I stood by
waiting for you to come back.

-dyan kay ben-
06/26/09

My Ephemeral Angel

I stumbled
and you laughed at my clumsiness.
The bruises were all worth it.
When I looked up,
you lent me your hand
saying, "It's alright
Everyone has a right to stumble."

You were there
smiling in my arms through the years.
And I was never alone.
I never knew
what it was to be
alone. Without you,
I could not give a picture. Because

You were always there for me.

-dyan kay ben-
06/26/09

Paghuna

Buminuhat siya sa kinatutukawan niya
sa sirong kan kahoy sa Ateneo.
Maduros kaya tinatalbo an saiyang buhok
na nakalugay na abot sa abaga.

Kasubago pa ako naktunganga sa iya
asin nagngalas ako ta buminuhat siya
sa kinatutukawan niya.
Luway-luway siyang duminulok sa sakuya.

Sa harayo pa lang, maririsa mo na siya
huli sa kaputian niya asin aura.
Malinig paghilingon, bako maarte.
Mala ta aro-aldaw ko tinatangro.

Hinalat ko na magrani siya sakuya
asin siya luway-luway na duminulok.
Kan nasa atubangan ko na siya
sabi niya, "Mawalat man po nin bag."

-dyan kay ben-
06/24/09

Bente Uno

Padikit-dikit na nagdiklom an kalangitan
kan an dati nang harayong saldang
napuho sa kalangitan asin dagos na nawara.

Matanga na asin tuninong sa kapalibotan
pero an karampal sa daghan garo daguldol
na dae ako pinapaturog.

Kada minuto garo taon kun umagi
na sa pagal ko kahahalat
ako napapirong asin nakaturog.

Maribok pa sa hukragong an laog kan isip.
Turog ngani ako pero an kalag ko
pukaw sa kapungawan sa katuninongan.

Nagimata ako sa batok nin ayam,
sa kayas asin tilaok nin manok.
Nag-agi na man an para tinapay.

Pag muklat ko kan sakuyang malsok,
maliwanag pero dae nakakasilaw.
Arog kaini an buhay aro-aldaw.

-dyan kay ben-
06/22/09

Huring-huding

Kan suudma, nahiling ko si tiya
nakikiistoryahan duman sa kakanan.
Garo baga siya para-bareta sa radyo
na daeng untok sa kaiistorya.

Kasubago, sabi kan tugang niya
nawawara daa siya, dae aram an dinumanan.
Aban-aban, may nag-bareta sa kanto,
sa salog, naglataw-lataw si tiya.

-dyan kay ben-
06/22/09

Countryside

She bade farewell
at the strike of dawn.
The sun greeted me with a smile
but I could not respond.

In an open window,
at a country house in the fields-
I gazed at the vastness of things;
so abundant yet very empty.

Your absence alone is troublesome-
everything else can not compensate.

On foot, the track you've made
gets lost in the middle of the road.
To follow you when the path is unknown,
or to sit down and wait when time is anonymous?

On your solemn walk to bondage,
at the end of it,
someone else waits for you.
While you've turned your back against me.

But, who knows? If I stare at the moon
I hope you're staring at it too.

-dyan kay ben-
06/15/09

Bedside

I woke up today
and left my bed
where her memories sharpened
the creases of my sheets.

Yesterday, on the same time,
I woke up and she was beside me,
comfortably tucked in bed -
sleeping soundly.

I opened my eyes,
the real world lay before me.
She was never here.
It was a dream. It didn't happen to me.

-dyan kay ben-
06/16/09

Amy Says - Flyleaf

Amy says she's all alone
Says the world doesn't even know
About the pain she hides inside
Says happiness is just a lie
Smell the roses throw them down
Just whisper, don't make a sound
Don't want the world to know the truth
You've been broken and abused...by you

And Amy says
I see you laughing at the rain that hits your face
With your arms stretched open soaking in the love
In a world I found so hard you finds so beautiful
There's a hope in you deep inside for me

The colors of her mind
Bleed into each other
And as the morning melts the night
And the stars enchant another
While her eyes are still held shut
She can hear you breathing softly
Your words echo in her mind
And your words are clear
And she knows that you are here
You are here

I see her laughing at the rain that hits her face
With her arms stretched open soaking in the love
In a world she found so hard she finds so beautiful
There's a hope in her deep inside for you

I see her laughing at the rain that hits her face
With her arms stretched open soaking in the love
In a world she found so hard she finds so beautiful
There's a hope in her deep inside for you

Euphoria

Paurong

Uya ako ngunyan,
pinipirit an sadiri ko.
Sabi ko, kaya ko.
Sabi ko, rahay na ako.

Sa tahaw nin kadikluman
litrato mo sana an nahihiling ko.
Maski pa ako nagrarayo na,
dae makasalingoy, saimo an hiling.

-dyan kay ben-
06/10/09

Teddy Picker by The Arctic Monkeys

Despair to the point till they provoke
The punchline before they have told the joke
The sheer desperation to be scene/seen
Staring at the television screen

Despair to the point where they provoke
You to tell the fucking punchline before you have told the joke
Sorry sunshine it doesn't exist
It wasn't in the top 100 list

And it's the thousandth time and it's even bolder,
Don't be surprised when you get bent over,
He told ya, that you were gagging for it

She saw it and she grabbed it and it wasn't what it seemed
The kids all dream of making it, whatever that means
Another variation on a theme
A tangle on the television and the magazine
D'you reckon that they do it for a joke?
D'you reckon that they make 'em take an oath?
That says "we are defenders
Of any poseur or professional pretender around"

When did your list replace the twist and turn?
Ah the fist, replaced the kissed-on concern
And if you're bothered, I don't want your prayers
Save it for the morning after

And it's the thousandth time and it's even bolder,
Don't be surprised when you get bent over,
He told ya, that you were gagging for it

Lets have a game on the Teddy Picker
Not quick enough can I have it quicker?
Already thick and you're getting thicker
Lets have a game on the Teddy Picker
Not quick enough can I have it quicker?
Already thick and you're getting thicker

Asuming that all things are equal,
Who'd want to be men of the people
When there's people like you?

Eclampsia

I rushed her to the local hospital.
She complained of cramps.
She was undergoing labor,
after nine months passed a breeze.

During her eighth month of pregnancy,
We've bought baby stuff in anticipation.
And we often had petty arguments
about if the baby was a girl or boy.

And then it would end up a scene
that I will gently caress her belly
and feel the child's confirmation.
It replies with a kick to say, "I'm alive."

We were financially unfortunate.
I never had any stable work.
And because of pride,
I insisted that my wife stays at home.

I left her along the corridor,
while she waited for her turn.
Now and then, she'd scream in anguish
as if the head started to pop out.

I went back home to gather my family
to tell them the good news.
"My wife's giving birth!", I yelled
and they joyfully gathered round.

We horded to the hospital.
I went back to the corridor, she wasn't there anymore.
I asked the attending nurse and she said,
"Yes, in the morgue. We did everything but..."

I went back to our slum,
And slammed the door behind me and went to bed.
Before I knew it, there I saw,
the baby's clothes my wife had neatly folded.

-jkdeqz- 02/19/09

Balikbayan Box

My mom started working overseas
way back when I was a child.
Every time she came home,
She gives us presents imported form abroad.

She works in Bosnia,
a domestic helper there.
For more than a decade's passed,
She came home nd left weeks after.

Last time she came home,
I asked her a question.
"Ma, if I do good in school, give me a reward huh?"
She nodded and smiled.

She promised to us before leaving,
that if I get high grades,
She'll go home with more goodies
right inside a bigger box.

Months later, she called and asked,
"How's my son doing?"
"I am an honor student ma!",
I gleefully exclaimed.

She promised me a lot of clothes,
New pair of shoes and a computer.
Weeks later, war broke out in Bosnia.
Gunshots and bombing everywhere.

No news ever reached us.
When her expected date of arrival came,
all we saw was this big box and smaller boxes.
It contained my mom, and her gifts.

-jkdeqz- 02/19/09

Ode to Wind Chimes

The wind always blew gently alongside you when you arrived
making the wind chimes ring sweetly
as they hung by the doorway,
and that I hugged you tight, longing.

Up until the day that you left
without saying a word. You turned back from me
early in the morning - the sun rose,
and you vanished like a phantom.

The wind has since played tricks on me,
as every time I sit or lie in bed,
the breeze would blow to ring the chime's shells
and they laughed in delight, rings sweetly.

Impulsively, I stood up, faced the mirror,
fixed my hair or checked
if anything looked bothersome,
marched out, prepared a smile.

And I held out my hands to embrace you
only to feel the gentle touch of the wind
and hear it whisper, "It is I, my child."
You have not arrived.

For all the mails I have sent,
I ask you in return.
Have you ever read them at all?
When will the postman retire?

by: Jan Kevin de Quiroz

Penitensya

Habang nasa irarom kan nangingisog na saldang,
nakataklob nin itom para lang dae mamidbidan,
hiling ta pati ang aki nakataklob kan mata,
takot sa nahihiling.
Nagtitipsik an dugo asin pinandudugdog sa napapaha
na konkreto na nagaaraso sa init.
Malangsa an parong kan dugo na nawiwisik sa katauhan.
Sa kanto nin saudan sa banwaan nin Pili,
duman sinda minapundo asin binabadag an panrapado
sa likod ninda. Maraga an likod, gatok sa kumpas
nin kawayan na pamitpit.
Maluhay an paglakaw, saru-saro. Balad sa kainitan.
Pag lampas sa puwesto mi sa saudan, balik sa dati.
Yaon ang chirismisan na idtong penitente daa aki ni Tiya
asin baralikan man ang mga paratawad na mga barat
na nagsirirong ta habo matipsikan nin dugo.
Garo mayo nangyari.
Siring sa pag-agi kan duros, dae nirurumdom.

Euphoria

And so the spark hit the cigarette.
This is my way to forget her.
All I wanted was to drive her memories
away from me. They haunt me.
Even so, her smiling face keeps coming back
and it never stopped from bullying me.
And oh, the nights! Yes! The dark nights
when I lay flat in bed, motionless.
I begin to weep all over,
turned sideways and expected her presence
beside me. Then, a flash of an empty scene
is what I get.

I wake up for my daily routines and
set off to delve myself into the world.
Little does the populace know that no matter
how okay I may seem to be,
my body starts to crumble down,
back to dust, from where I came from.
Painful as it seems, that these are days
that I tend to see her in a sea of faces,
only to realize that she was never there.
And all of these because she is Mary Jane.

-jan kevin de quiroz-

Quote

I did not love you like how the wave is obliged to hug the shore. It withdraws itself; uncertain. I loved you like how I wished that my stray message-in-a-bottle would reach you.

-dyan kay ben-

No matter how they try to stop me, I wont.

There are people who still conspire. I myself cannot call myself as brilliant but that's one thing I want to be. Look, to all my conspirators, I thank you. You challenge me. But that's one thing that won't stop me from what I want to be. I don't want to name names for there are too many. And naming them would be a waste of time. That would be stupid.

I won't waste my time listening to all your whining.

Fin.

10/30/08 - 03/28/09

Her eyes still haunt me
like a child's eye staring at me
as if to tell me that I should love its owner.
Her voice invades me
and seems to wake me up from slumber.
The giggles that I used to love hearing
now hurts my ears and my soul as if she mocks me.
I stumble but a force shields me.
An entity whose identity remains anonymous.
I may keep on saying that I'm okay,
but my heart is pensive;
uncertain if walking past the door
towards the light,
would do any good.
I hope it would bring peace to me.

-dyan kay ben-
06/04/09

Sir'ip sa Lawanit

Kan ako hoben pa,
nag-gibo ako nin labot sa lawanit
asin tinuyo ko na manir'ipan sa kataid.
Lalo na pag matanga, ako minapaiklop,
dinidiskubre an mga posibleng madalan.
Nahiling ko an pandok niya,
halangkaw an dungo, manipis an ngabil,
asin manipis man an kiray.
Dae ko nahiling an saiyang mata,
na ginibuhan ko na lang nin imahe sa isip ko.
Dawa ngani maray na ito
para dae niya ako madakop.
Nagkapirang banggi man ang nag-agi,
padagos ako sa paninir'ip.
Maray na lang ta dae ako kinulatoy.
Hastang uminabot an sarong banggi,
dae ko siya naabutan na turog.
Mayo ako nahiling sa labot sa lawanit, puro kadikloman.
Nakadangog na lang ako nin nag-ngirit.
Nadakop niya ako.

-dyan kay ben-
05/28/09